All Grown Up – Ten Tips On How To Adult

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3 min read

When I read scientists have released research revealing we don’t properly reach adulthood until we turn 30, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank goodness!” I thought. “I can continue to act like a teenager!”

Then I remembered I was 35. 

Which got me thinking, when do we reach adulthood? What are the markers that prove we have moved from teenage dirtbag to functioning grown up? 

On the one hand I have a baby, which seems pretty adult. But on the other hand I’m still not entirely sure what BB Cream is. So, I’m not entirely sure I am all there yet. 

But then I thought: no, dammit. I AM an adult. I own white goods. I brush my teeth twice a day and I even know how to make hummus. Sure, I still do novelty dance moves on the D-floor. Yes! I still call it the d-floor. But stuff it. I have some wisdom to impart. So here it is. A ten step guide to being an adult. 

YOUR ADULTHOOD CHECKLIST. When do we reach adulthood? Here are the markers to look for in a functioning adult. How many do you check?
How to handle adulthood?
  1. Eat alone
    No, I don’t mean shovelling an Uber eats burger down your gullet in front of Bachelor in Paradise (not that there’s anything wrong with that…) I mean, go to a proper restaurant, a fancy one even, by yourself and enjoy a meal without your phone. A book is ok.
  2. Go on a bad date
    You have not reached adulthood until you have had some sort of terrible romantic interaction. If those are all you seem to have, don’t worry about it, it’s all a learning experience. 
  3. Learn to cook
    I cannot emphasise this enough. Before you can adult properly you need to master the skill of looking in a seemingly empty fridge and whipping up a meal. You must also learn how to make a decent dip. 
  4. Look stupid and don’t care
    Try out a dance class and not know any of the moves. Mangle a foreign language. Bomb a public speaking engagement. Being an adult is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Even if you don’t always get it right. 
  5. Have a skin care routine
    It should involve sun screen. 
  6. Have insurance (and pay for it)
    You realise you need health insurance and no one is picking up the bill. No one said being an adult was all beer and skittles…
  7. Be irresponsible
    You’ve paid your insurance bill, you flossed every day this week and you even turned up to work and managed not to tell your boss to go jump. So treat yo’ self! Buy those ridiculously expensive shoes. Drink Rose in the sun and damn the consequences. Or just close the blinds, ignore the beautiful day outside and watch five hours of TV. You’re an adult, you don’t have to always act like it. 
  8. Say no
    “Want to come to the opening of this new club? All the local influencers are going!” “Ha!” You think. “I’m an adult. I don’t have to do this rubbish!” Look them in the eye and say it: “No.” Feels good, right?
  9. Follow the news
    And no, not just the love life of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively (although, definitely follow that too). But read the newspaper, make sure you have an inkling of what’s happening in politics. Stay informed. You’re an adult and you’re a citizen, knowing what’s going on is part of your responsibility to the society in which you live. 
  10. Be the grown up
    When you are faced with childish behaviour, rise above it, walk away and take the higher ground. After all, you’re the adult. 

What do you consider makers of being a *real* grown up? Share your thoughts in the comments, below.

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