Dating-App Exhaustion Is Real: Enter The Dating App Personal Assistant

4 min read

Dating-App exhaustion

Hi, I’m Liv and I’ve got dating-app exhaustion. Is it finally time to delete my dating apps? I’ve been pondering this question for some time…
The juggling act

This morning it felt like I had been hit by something nasty and hard (a gluten free pita bread, perhaps?). I realise now that this pain and exhaustion wasn’t just the lactic acid from last night’s post-work Boxercise class, but rather, the lactic acid of life. A.K.A, ‘the juggle.’

For years I have been trying (with limited success) to ‘juggle’ everything. Sometimes I almost get it. But right now, I’m failing. And I don’t mean failing in the positive sense.

I’m a flustered, tired clown, attempting to keep a million balls in the air: a full-time job, running training, socialising with friends, catching up with family, a strict makeup routine, a 10-step skin care regime, a tidy house, loved-one’s birthdays (thanks Facebook) and buying the perfect Mother’s Day present, supporting my friend through career crises, freelance writing, yoga and meditation, preparing healthy (should I be eating raw) food…(still with me?)

Have I ever managed to successfully juggle all these elements at once?

Yes. Yes I have.


In a dream.

I was superwoman.

Dating-App exhaustion
Dating-App exhaustion is a thang. Photo credit
Of course I can’t juggle it all and retain my sanity

When I do manage to tick the job, health and fitness boxes, up goes the frequency of comments like ‘you look terrible, are you not feeling well?.’ To which my standard reply is, ‘I’m fine. I just didn’t have time to apply my BB cream this morning.’

Sometimes, I’ll land the perfect work outfit four days in a row and then chalk up post-work drinks with three different friendship groups in one week. #nailedit

But all these sartorial wins and socialising mean I don’t have time to prepare, eat (and Instagram) an egg-white omlette with a side of mashed avocado and chili flakes (breathe) and a green smoothie bowl with extra matcha, sprinkled with pumpkin seeds, chia and flaxseed each morning. (Does anyone?)

The trade off for such heady culinary success that early in the day? I’ll be late for work (or working late). Then at 12:30pm, a coffee and a Twix from the vending machine becomes its own victory. ‘Yay for me’ I tell myself as my blood sugar levels soar.

Relationship? Who’s he?

You may have noticed that my juggling list, much to my Mother’s disappointment, makes no mention of a relationship (or potential relationship). A week ago this was not the case: like every other modern single urbanite I spent a good chunk of my free time on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.

I’m breaking up with my dating apps – Goodbye Tinder. Goodbye Bumble.

The task of scrolling through the singletons within a 15 km radius, takes time (and emotion!). Swipe right for yes. Swipe left for no. Read their bios. Think about their career. Determine if they’re a cat person or a dog person. Realise they take too many selfies…

So this time last week I was confident that stepping out of the dating app arena and scratching it off my list was the silver bullet to my time-scheduling woes.

How can I meet ‘the one’ without dating apps?

The problem is, I still do want to meet, you know… ‘the one.’ (The butter to my bread, the sun to my sky, the coca to my cola etc, etc). But without doing all of the dating app admin that I hate so much, HOW?

Does anyone meet in ‘real life’ anymore? I assume a lucky few. It seems impossible. How can we romantically clasp our eyes on that special someone when we are spreading ourselves so thin?

Then, in a moment of quiet during my morning run, it came to me: I don’t need to give up on love, what I need is a Dating App Personal Assistant!

Dating App Personal Assistant job specifications

My Dating App Personal Assistant spec would read as follows:

  • You’re highly organised, have a keen eye for detail and have a wealth of experience when it comes to creative, witty one liners.
  • Full time / part time: (negotiable) Actually, maybe full time in the winter months because I tend to get needy when it’s cold.
  • Salary: Vending machine chocolates.
  • Bonus: The satisfaction of helping out somebody with a truly #FirstWorldProblem.

Miraculously, someone had read my mind: a little Googling revealed that Hinge is currently beta testing a dating app assistant service which offers to do all the heavy lifting for you…for free!

Do I need to stop being a perfectionist?

On a serious note, my (perceived) juggling misadventures probably boil down to the fact that I am perfectionist, determined to succeed at, everything including ticking every box on my to-do list. I’m clearly biting off more than I can chew.

Perhaps a Twix for breakfast once in a while isn’t the failure I make it out to be and maybe putting pressure on myself to find ‘the one’ is counter-productive. You know that annoying saying, that you’re more likely to find love when you stop looking for it, has some truth.

Liv x

Have you suffered from dating app fatigue? Perhaps you have successfully found true love online or (miraculously) offline? We would love to hear from you in the comments below. Then head over to the Iris Lillian Squad to chat with me about juggling the demands of modern-day life and matters of the heart.
Meet Liv

Liv is a keen long distance runner, peanut butter enthusiast and author of She’s always on the look out for her next adventure. Follow her on Insta, liv_mulligan.

Dating-App exhaustion

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